The Supreme Court. (photo: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images)
29 June 15
ith
its landmark decisions this week, the United States Supreme Court has
sent the Republican Party scrambling to find entirely new bogus issues
to pound away at during the 2016 campaign.
With gay marriage and Obamacare effectively taken off
the table, the Republicans now find themselves without a signature phony
issue to disingenuously flog for the next sixteen months.
But according to the Republican National Committee
chairman, Reince Priebus, the Party is already conducting an exhaustive
search to find “fresh new spurious positions” to shamelessly distract
voters during the upcoming campaign.
“Twenty-foot border fence, national voter I.D. cards,
abolition of the I.R.S., mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds,” Priebus
said. “Back at R.N.C. headquarters, we’ve got a wall of three-by-five
cards filled with crap like that.”
Priebus acknowledged that the loss of Obamacare and
gay marriage as issues had dealt a serious blow to the G.O.P.’s supply
of meaningless talking points, but he claimed that the Party would come
back with even more insincere rhetoric than before. “Anyone who thinks
we’ve run out of b.s. is sorely mistaken,” he said.
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