Joni Ernst Says She Used to Wear Bucket on Head for No Apparent Reason

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

22 January 15

readersupportednews.org

enator Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) shared more folksy stories of her childhood on Wednesday, telling reporters that she used to wear a bucket on her head for no apparent reason.

“I’d be walking outside our house and see a bucket lying there, and I’d say to myself, ‘That’s a perfectly good bucket, I think I’ll put it on my head,’ ” she said. “It wasn’t because I needed a hat or anything. I must have had, oh gosh, a half-dozen hats or so. I just wanted to wear a bucket.”

Ernst said that during her youth, she was known for poking a hole in a large piece of corrugated cardboard and wearing it as a poncho.

“I can’t for the life of me tell you why I did that,” she said. “I just liked the look of it, I guess. Nobody paid much attention to it. People sure don’t notice your cardboard poncho when you’re wearing a bucket on your head.”

When asked why she was sharing these stories, Sen. Ernst considered her answer carefully. “I think people like to get to know their representatives in Washington as people,” she said. “And it helps to know that one of them used to wear buckets on her head, corrugated cardboard ponchos, and scuba flippers instead of gloves. Did I tell you I used to wear scuba flippers instead of gloves? To this day I’ll be darned if I know why I did that.”

Comments

+47 # politicfix 2015-01-22 15:40

I'd say that qualifies her as a Radcon and for the job she has of making an ass out of herself and women in general. Kind of a two for one. Maybe she can castrate a few hogs in Washington while she's there.

+13 # wrknight 2015-01-23 09:50

It's too late. Most of them were castrated long ago. We have over half a House full of eunuchs.

+43 # angelfish 2015-01-22 23:56

I LOVE Andy Borowitz and I realize this is Satire, but, in Joni Ernst's case it just seems SO real! I can't for the life of me figure out WHY the ReTHUGlicans want Fools in Congress. I realize that the Koch brothers and their ilk need and want willing morons to do their bidding but the damage they inflict in the process is hard to justify. It's very hard not becoming discouraged at the thought of having these "Newbie" Congressmen and women slash and burn their way through their, is it SIX year tenure? I have hope that the next two years will awaken those who sat at home on Election Day, to be spurred into action in 2016. Thanks for ALL you do, Andy.!

+58 # NOMINAE 2015-01-22 23:59

Exit Michelle Bachmann, Enter Joni Ernst...

....."and the beat goes on, the beat goes on"..

+32 # dyannne 2015-01-23 00:07

...wore plastic bread wrappers over her shoes....I wonder, was it Wonder bread wrappers or Webers or Sunshine Bakery? I think that line will live for a 100 years. I know I'll never forget it.

+9 # AndreM5 2015-01-23 10:13

The "bread" itself lives for a hundred years.

+55 # m... 2015-01-23 01:04

64 years… and an avid reader of history, including our history, American History throughout my adult life…
For the life of me… I cannot fathom the reasoning in the minds of the millions of voters who have been walking into a voting booth and pulling the lever for the kinds of people filling up the ranks of 'elected' representatives from what is still known as the Republican Party.
Its very embarrassing when traveling overseas. People out in the world ask about it… Its always posed as a simple yet polite question that sounds more or less like--- WTF ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING...?

+25 # phrixus 2015-01-23 07:55

Exactly. I cannot recall the exact number of times a European has commented on how crazy our politics are. The US has become a laughingstock in so many countries of the world that I've become embarrassed for my home country.

+15 # bmiluski 2015-01-23 10:38

That's the problem m.... They are NOT pulling a lever. They are pushing a button on a machine that was made by a company owned by a neo-con.

+5 # m... 2015-01-23 11:45

I almost wish it was the machines built by the 'neocons' as you say… But much more sadly.., it is not… Its the mindset of MILLIONS of American Voters that put these people in power…

+34 # cymricmorty 2015-01-23 01:11

I was laughing helplessly for about 5 minutes while reading this.

If Joni Ernst cheerily wore bread bags over her shoes, and all the other little Iowans on the schoolbus, too, then by god, all those seniors and disabled fakers getting a free ride should be able to get by on cat food, right? (And the cheap kind at that.) The miserly, mean-spirited Paul Ryan doesn't need any encouragement with this kind of folksy babbling.

+26 # NOMINAE 2015-01-23 01:35

Quoting cymricmorty:

I was laughing helplessly for about 5 minutes while reading this.

If Joni Ernst cheerily wore bread bags over her shoes, and all the other little Iowans on the schoolbus, too, then by god, all those seniors and disabled fakers getting a free ride should be able to get by on cat food, right? (And the cheap kind at that.) The miserly, mean-spirited Paul Ryan doesn't need any encouragement with this kind of folksy babbling.

Dang TOOTIN', Sasparilla ! Joni Ernst used to walk five miles to school..... in six feet of snow.... BAREFOOT ! Take *that* you sniveling whiners !

+35 # Bookworm 2015-01-23 01:17

You mean she's REAL?

I thought it was an animated Barbie that I saw on TV commenting on the State of the Union.

+15 # speedboy 2015-01-23 02:53

She sounded like my kindergarten teacher telling us to wear our own hats because some of us have lice---don't we?

+23 # James Klimaski 2015-01-23 04:00

When Sen Ernst commented on her footwear I concentrated on looking at her feet. I couldn't see them. Found out the next day the reason I couldn't see them was that she was wearing camouflage shoes. WOW.
Now if we can get the rest of her in camouflage maybe she will disappear.