PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)
— North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un announced on state television today
that he believes the pop star Justin Bieber is “just a few arrests
away” from visiting North Korea as his friend. “Justin, if you are watching right now, this is my message to you,” Kim said. “I stand ready and willing to be your B.F.F.” The mercurial Kim said that he would seek Mr. Bieber’s aid in
boosting North Korea’s slumping pop-music industry, which has failed to
generate any hits comparable to South Korea’s “Gangnam Style.” “Justin Bieber could be our Minister of Culture,” he said. The dictator said he understood that Mr. Bieber’s fans were concerned
about the direction the singer was heading of late, but he offered this
reassurance: “He is heading to North Korea. It’s all good.”
Credit: Miami-Dade Corrections & Rehabilitation Department.
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