November 6, 2013
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new study released today indicates that Americans are safe from the threat of gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, movie theatres, workplaces, streets, and their own homes.
Also: highways, turnpikes, libraries, places of worship, parks, universities, restaurants, post offices, and cars.
Plus: driveways, garages, gyms, stores, military bases—and a host of other buildings, structures, and sites.
National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre applauded the study,
saying that it reinforced his organization’s long-held position that the
United States does not need additional gun laws. “This study makes it
abundantly clear that Americans are in no danger of gun violence except
in these isolated four hundred and thirteen places,” he said.
He added that he hoped that the study would spark a conversation “about the root cause of mass shootings: people who recklessly show up at places where they could be shot at.”
Photograph by Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg via Getty.
He added that he hoped that the study would spark a conversation “about the root cause of mass shootings: people who recklessly show up at places where they could be shot at.”
Photograph by Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg via Getty.
1 comment:
So basically, we are safer in Mexico than in our own country. Oh such wisdom, in maintaining the status quo, we maintain the potential for mass violence in America. The members of the NRA should be so proud to be able to perpetuate this fiasco.
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