By Andy Borowitz
FAIRFAX, Va. (The Borowitz Report)—Saying
it was “high time to take action against the number one cause of
violence in America,” the National Rifle Association issued a statement
today urging a sweeping ban on movies.
Tracy Klugian, an official spokesperson for the gun-lobbying
organization, said that the N.R.A. had taken this extraordinary step
because it “could not stand idly by and watch movies tear apart the
fabric of our civil society.”
To that end, Mr. Klugian said, the N.R.A. would use money from its PAC, the N.R.A. Political Victory Fund, to support politicians who favored a ban on filmed entertainment.
In the hours after the N.R.A.’s announcement, politicians on both sides
of the aisle were quick to applaud the group for identifying what it
called “a long overdue need for movie control.”
“It is time for us to stop the madness,” said Speaker of the House John
Boehner. “As a first step, I am proposing legislation that would impose a
two-year waiting period and background check before one is allowed to
see a Hollywood release.”
Minutes later, the White House said that the Speaker’s proposal was “a good first step, but does not go far enough,” arguing that Congress had to “take a hard look at whether superhero costumes and masks should continue to be legal.”
All in all, the N.R.A.’s Klugian said he was “cautiously optimistic” that the organization’s call for new legislation would be heeded “because our message finally seems to be getting through: Guns don’t kill people. Movies kill people.”
Photograph: George Diebold/The Image Bank/Getty
Minutes later, the White House said that the Speaker’s proposal was “a good first step, but does not go far enough,” arguing that Congress had to “take a hard look at whether superhero costumes and masks should continue to be legal.”
All in all, the N.R.A.’s Klugian said he was “cautiously optimistic” that the organization’s call for new legislation would be heeded “because our message finally seems to be getting through: Guns don’t kill people. Movies kill people.”
Photograph: George Diebold/The Image Bank/Getty
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