POETRY: Mrs. Shapiro

Mrs. Shapiro
By Noble Collins

Mrs. Shapiro, always prudent
takes care of herself, a very good student
of creams for her face and healthy elixirs,
the latest cosmetics and frizzy-hair fixers.

A regular viewer of “Oprah” and “Wheel,”
“Late Night” and “Leno,” and “Let’s Make a Deal.”
a master of trends and secular knowledge,
she married a doctor, so no need of college.

The hostess of all the great parties in town,
a trend-setter wearing a new opera gown,
she knows all the gossip - starts some herself -
keeps wigs in fine boxes stacked high on a shelf.

Never would wear them herself,
don’t you know!
Her own coiffure’s stunning -
(does that underpin show?)

Her pool-boy said he heard that she was a “Doyenne.”It sounded like slander, so she pushed the boy in.
Her butler said someone had called her a “Maven.”
She said, “And just who has been doing that ravin' ?”

“A Matriarch” was the term making the rounds.
Well, none of these culprits would enter her grounds!
Not one would partake of her famous Hors d'Oeuvres
Too bad, for no meatballs were better than hers.

A courtly old dame in spite of their chorus
For Christmas, I’m giving her Roget’s Thesaurus.